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After the war: The widows and the fatherless (31/05/22 16:31:10) Reply
    After some decades of experience I believe I have background for having an opinion about the role of fathers in families: They are needed and useful. When they are absent - from death, from divorce, from imprisonment - the children will not have ready access to a father figure. The mothers will not have the deep voice, the strength to restrain violence, or the strength to give the real bear hugs that sometimes will resolve a violent or emotional situation. The boys will need it to learn what can be done and what should not be done, and the girls may learn what to seek in men (because they like it) or shun (if they hate it).

    I've seen undiagnpsed victims of different sorts of fatherlessness all the way from WWI (children of sailors who fell victim to the U-boat war).

    Are Putin's wars really only the envious revenge of a fatherless?
    Can real help be given to the indiect victims of Putin's aggression, once the weapon supplies are not needed any more, and even before? First: Could someone find out how many?

Which are the father functions that fatherless risk not learning? (02/06/22 16:00:33) Reply
    I have tried searching: tried to find qualified accounts; research papers or compilations of research, of the nontangible and non-quantifiable and non-measurable day-to-day aspects of fathering: what is there to learn from fathers? I have found stuff about the (measurable) socioeconomic effects of losing a father in a patriarchal system where the father provides all the money. That's tangible. Or - from American studies, where attention seems concentrated on dysfunctional families where divorce is the mechanism for the loss of the father. There are the believers. The Christians - who unashamedly put God into the mix.

    What strikes me most is the obsoleteness of the information, and its character of being obsessively retrospective. So there is nothing about the way to plan a life in the modern time.

    I need a pause


    (Stomu Yamashta's Red Buddha Theatre - The Man From The East LP (Full Album) 1973

    "What a way to live in modern times" -- 13:30->15:30)

It is not just about bridging grief (02/06/22 16:35:19) Reply
    like in


    It is much more like this down-to-earth prescription list

    1: Surround Your Kids With Adults Who Love Them
    5. Ask for What You Need
    "For example, you might say, "I appreciate all your help. However, what I really need right now, more than meals, is for someone to take Johnny to baseball practice on Thursdays." There's nothing wrong with being specific about your needs."
    7. Seek Additional Support

    But again: The above is not a reply to my question.

    In spite of all those wars I believe there is too little research on the roles of fathers and the effects of losing one to enemy fire on the battlefield. Even quite recent wars were too long ago - with pre-modern relations between the sexes, to be of any help. Now we have families with two working parents and sharing of household chores and child caring. Mothers have one role. Fathers have another. Buth roles are desired and useful, and the other parent cannot have both roles. Sometimes father is needed. Sometimes only mother will do.

    Economy, of course, plays a role. Poverty for single parents is just devastating. I hope "they" or we manage to help the Ukrainian wodowed mothers adequately.

    I think there is enough hard evidence to show that fathers are necessary for a full qualification of a child into family life. The resources needed to show a child how a family man should be (for boys) and what to expect and demand of a man (for girls) may be impossible to gather in communities where almost all fathers have been lost and the survivors have PTSD.

    Fiction, in my experience, is written for entertainment by presenting the dysfunctional. Very rarely tpey present as how-to books. TV series, perhaps?

    Can they make the children learn anout the ups-and-downs of family life and that they downs will be replaced by ups and that conflicts do not need to lead to shouting - and that shouting can be stopped and replaced by reconciliation and forgiveness and forgetting. Can properly designed TV series be used for building robustness in deprived families?

come again

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