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Writing Haikus and other poems
Snippets from the ebenezer messageboard.

 

My main goal is to have you real poets to teach me - slooooooooowly - to write haikus.

(e)

Assignment
There must be a relevant starting line. Let's explore.
There was a young man on the Web.
A Limerick has the rhyming structure AABBA. So the first thing to look for is rhymes on Web. eb. leb. meb. seb. No words. No meaning. Ah, wait. eb - might be the abbreviated form of Ebenezer. That's me (for the moment).
So it could be
There was a young Eb on the Web.
No, I have to save my assets. This one won't do. I can't exhaust my resources in the first line.

There was a young man on the Web.
.....
.....
......
So he went home and snuffed out old Eb.

Looks rather violent. Violence isn't fun. Jeff could write something like that. Against my principles. (perhaps). Delete?
Waitaminute. It could be just the deleting a compromised handle. I've done it myself. Yeah.
Well that's a start. Now for the second line.
leb. meb. reb. reb? could be a low-tonus variety of rep, short of representative. Weak. I can't go for that one if I have any chance of finding something better. Waiting list for that one.

teb - a dialect for tab? No.
I'll have to sleep on that one. Certainly it is not a single-pass assignment.

(e)

interactive poem writting
I once was going to suggest that we have an interactive 'novel' writting where we each be a character and build scenes and a plot...but poem will do

eThere was a young man on the Web
jwho wandered thru spirals of thought
H.............................

(jeff)

okay heres one of a bad web page artist :)

there was a young man on the web
who's method was written in red
who's meta tags came in total disdane
while cloning the jungels of dread

(jeff)

eThere was a young man on the Web
jwho wandered thru spirals of thought
H.............................
"That's Hudibrastic,"
said Eb, somewhat sarcastic,
but you heard him amongst the painted ponies say, "Drat."

(Spitooie)

A time and space journey on the light wings of a hopping butterfly...


A history of women who wrote haiku (and tanka) from the beginning of recorded history in Japan, across the centuries to Europe, then to the North American continent and back to Japan ending in 1990. During the years since, a publisher was sought, but no one wanted to take on the book. So like the Little Red Hen, I am publishing this book myself. This book that needs to be read, needed to be written, needs to be saved by men and women and writers of all the genres indebted to haiku.

~~~~

...it is [also] a small flashlight focused on the unlit history of one form of poetry to show where, how, and when women were doing what they did

Jane Reichhold

(Lefaf)

hum ap age on how to write hiaku but one of the sentences says forget it u'll never learn...I was lucky to spell it...
http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/


well hell after reading that haiku page no wonder my poem sucked...

theres more art
to art than I
art to know of

(jeff)

I thought haiku was the name of an author
I did not know it was an art form of poetry

heres more info for those like myself then



What is Haiku?
A brief verse unwombed,
an idea realized.
The haiku moment.

Haiku evolved from a four-hundred year old poetry form
that was developed in Japan, called "renga".

Writing a renga involved the collaboration of several poets
who each contributed verses. It took, perhaps, a hundred
verses to complete a renga. Quite a day's work.




The first verse of a renga was called "hokku", and in time
some of the poets began spouting their hokku independent
of the renga, thereby saving themselves a good portion of
the day to contemplate life over a cup of saki and a plate of
uncooked tuna.

Thus began haiku. Like the hokku, haiku traditionally
consisted of seventeen syllables in three non-rhyming lines.
The first line had five, the second, seven, and the last had
five.
snip snip....http://grumpydog.com/Whatisit.html

(jeff)

would this be close to a haiku then?

daffadils of flour
keening proudly morning mist
old sun born again

(jeff)

briny fingers reach
she sea whispers come to one
stone to pebbel time

(jeff)

the spotted flutter
here and there yet never still
green and blue and quiet

(jeff)

I am happy for you Jeff!
The way I perceive it, a haiku is similar to a script for a film.Every single word is important.

In three lines one has to set the scene develop
a visual story and brings it to an end.
Just like you did.

(faf)

That's it! That's why I cannot write haikus.

A haiku - I suddenly realise - is a _visual_ poem, originating in a country where writing and language is visual. Pictograms.

My language is acoustic. My poems are sound, not pictures. I can understand sounds. I can make sounds. I can adjust sounds to fit my meanings and sentiments and opinions. I can search for sounds and words that feel right - as I said about alliterarions and progressions of wowels. I cannot understand pictures. I cannot remember pictures. I cannot decipher pictures. I cannot make pictures. I cannot put words into pictures and paint pictures with them. I cannot arrange the furniture in a room (well, of course I can - but ridiculously and clumsily compared to those who _really_ can. Word blindness is accepted. Colour blindness. Tone deafness. How about picture blindness? If there is such a thing, I think have it. Finding my way is difficult. Is it room sense deficiency?

It is a consolation: I can admire your haikus. I can look at them and enjoy (according to my ability), just as I can enjoy the art of a painter or dancer.

(e)

duckling on a bike
parks and trees and honking cars
arrives home quite white

(Humphrey P)

Icy air passing
Wheelspin thoughtflow sunrise dark
Me or Earth moving?

The last word on line 3 took me long to figure out, and it doesn't feel right. The last line isn't OK either. I tried some versions - but I wanted to keep the relativity aspect, even though quite feeble. The first line just came, but I don't know whether it deserves standing.

I don't think I'm able to write poetry without sweat. I need a strict structure, I think.


Haiku for the Board
Think I need a strict structure
No true flower's grey

(e)

Just remember, Eb,
if you say dyslexia,
you don't have it.

(Humphrey P)

Well, the second line will have to wait. But the deleting of a handle could be a useful working line. Like

There was a young man the Web
.........
His compromised handle
Was too much to handle
So he went home and snuffed out old Eb.

Tonight the young DVD cracker had a visit from the police. 8 hours in the middle of the night. Two computers and a GSM(!) were seized. He immediately reported on slashdot (I haven't seen it).

Maybe I could use that one. Like

To keep himself free
He used PGP

But the Eb handle is only for insiders. I may have to skip the first line and find another beginning.

There was a young hacker from Mandal
(well, it wasn't Mandal, but Mandal's not that far away)
The industry thought him a vandal
To keep himself free
He used PGP
And frequently altered his handal (OK - misspelling)

(e)

A middle-aged man in a lab
(I'd like to express something with someone picking up the tab, but that's for the last line. I really can't figure out what to put into line 2.)

A typical false start. But wait. There is a lorry strike going on. Too expensive fuel. Too much tax.)
They were striking, but he was a scab
(well, I'm not, but rhymes have priority. Now the logic of the sentences need fixing, but that'll have to wait)
For hours he would sit
With nothing to eat (ouch)
(but who would pick up the tab? I'll work a little while I ponder about it)

(e)

Modalities of Modern Education (or, Fiddling with Plato), by post-doc bloom

-1-
The canadian coin is for the fiddlers:

He goes to put on his shoes,
but those footed things are confused.
He thinks his dilemma
is of will and of dramma,
When it's only a matter of choose.


(well, which is the "right" word? does it fit? what's left?)

~

-1-
In progress:

Never start with a one-liner -
that's a joke.

You need two to rhyme,
and to know who you are.

The third and the fourth
are short of remorse,
and the fifth is just there for the drama.

~

-3-
jigsaw puzzle:

So, that one's not going so well,
Write another while that goes to hell.
While you are here
To you will appear
All the words that fit better up there.

~

-4-
conglomerate and split:

A middle-aged man in a lab
thought he should be taking a stab
at making elixer
to help him step quicker.

When he mixed what was at hand
and doffed it, he could hardly stand,

and needed help taking a cab.

(Humphrey P)

life is but a blink
friends are few and far between
health is but a smile

(jeff)