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Never again (28/01/15 20:51:29) Reply
    Fuck. Too much information. You have been warned.

    I just got off my trolley yesterday.

    I've been getting bad stomach aches, every day, for the last five months.
    So the doc thought it would be good if i had a colonoscopy. I guess their reasoning and rationale was the fact that my bro just had his bowels removed and got a stoma bag. He's doing fine btw, looking good and cancer free, getting ready to resume his body building.

    So, in I go. I tried to explain I have a natural tolerance to benzodiazapenes and opiates. How do you think that went for me? yup.

    Still. I humoured them. I felt humiliated in my dressing gown and slippers. I thought of the thousands before me that I had not given consideration to. this wa my moment. to reflect.

    Nurse came in. Bit butch. Not looking very happy, bit pissed off in fact. I don't know if it was my attitude. maybe she was having a bad day. being kept waiting for over an hour flipped me out of my good nature.

    Still, I took it like a man and bent over. There was little in the way of small talk and reassurance. The pain of the first insertion was not good, but I thought if this is all there is, then I can deal with it. Little did I know..

    They gave me 75McG of Fentanyl and 3Mg of Midazolam. So, a bit of lethal injection, a bit of super smack, must be good ah? Fuck me...

    ~Shit went on for half an hour. I gripped the side of my trolley in a white knuckle ride i'll never forget. I cried. I moaned. I grimaced. I shouted out. Like a woman in her first pregnancy, not knowing what to expect. They were three women btw. I asked them if this pain was comparable to child birth and they guffawed. Ah, you have no idea, the pain you are experiencing now is NOTHING like giving birth to a child. I thought better of trying to lighten the mood after that.

    They asked me what I did. I told them. We got onto the subject of my ex making porn films in the vein of doctors and nurses. I'm not sure if that went down too well, but what the fuck, they weren't the ones being humoured on the trolley.

    The whole time I was compus mentus (ahem). I remember them thinking I was out of it with the meds, but I could hear them talking about boyfriends and eastenders and whatnot. I was a piece of meat on a slab to them. But worse.

    I cried. I moaned. I screamed. I experienced the greatest pain I have ever experienced in my life. Only once before did anyone stick something up my bum. And that was without consent. It hurt. The thought of being left in a ditch hurt more.

    I howled the place down. More pain relief please. No, you have had your maximum.

    I took it like a trooper though. And took that tube all the way up to my transverse colon, where they found an adenoma which they removed. That and another couple along the way.

    It was a bit like climbing a mountain. Getting up there is one thing, getting back down is another.

    I think I upset them. In fact I'm sure I pissed them right off. The lady who stuck that thing up my bum into my guts into my chest, didn't even say goodbye. Which I thought was a trifle rude, seeing as how much we had got to know each other.

    They said I couldn't drive because of drowsiness. WTF. I was wired to fuck. I was ready to go into the ring. I was agitated and distressed to a point i've never experienced before.

    The best part was, one of the nurses said, 'oh you probably have stomach cancer'. I'd kind of figured that out. Maybe she thought it would hurt me emotionally in some way.

    Anyway, they cut out three polyps. And said, come back in a bit for us to stick another tube down your throat, now that we have done your arse. Nice.


    I just have a knack for pissing people off. I know I'm a cunt, but still...

    Just thought i'd share.

    The stomach aches have been getting worse. Every night they wake me up. I still have not had a test to see if I have an ulcer. I diagnosed myself. I know doctors don't like this, but it's reached the stage where they kind of agree with me and wonder why the fuck the original doctor's didn't think of this first.

    So, what is the moral of this tale?

    Well, if you have a colonoscopy planned, make sure you got some good drugs for after. Yes, your arsehole will hurt like fuck, but the damage to your psyce might take longer to repair. Me? I feel right as rain. Just goes to show nothing was done wrong. No damage done. Just a totally inadequate dosage of painkillers for pain relief.

    They treat you like a little baby and bully you on one hand, then just ignore and dismiss you on the other.

    I know I really pissed those nurses off. It really fucking annoyed them while little old wimpy me screamed on my trolley. Aahhwww, poor little nurses. And they let me know.

    That was their day.

    Tomorrow shall be mine.


    The next time (in 3 years time) someone sticks something up my arse all the way to my chest through fucking miles of colon, it shall be a man. He might be a beast too, but we pays our money and we takes our chances.

    There, all better now.

    :-)

    eh eh.
bran

But one more time with feeling (28/01/15 21:07:41) Reply
    --------------------------
    http://www.patient.co.uk/forums/discuss/painful-colonoscopy-18182?page=1

    Painful colonoscopy
    Posted over a year ago

    Having had many operations in the past plus chemotherapy I can say without any hesitation that my colonoscopy carried out at Nottingham City Hospital was the most painful experience I have ever endured. It was sheer agony throughout and even though I wrote to complain afterwards the only response was \"that I had the correct amount of sedative-3mg. of Midazolam and I did not complain at the time.\" If they treated animals in this manner they would be sued for cruelty.Finally my friend who lives in Bournemouth has had to colonoscopies in the past both done under general anaesthetic. So why can't every hospital offer this alternative?
    ------------------------

    Sometimes it's good to know you're not alone.
bran

Re: Never again (28/01/15 22:36:44) Reply
    In .de and .no (afaik) they are having colonoscopy screening programs. They scope you when you've reached some age of maturity just because of statistics.

    I've opted out every time.

    But maybe they use thicker scopes in .uk. C**k-size diameter. Wouldn't surprise me: stingy bastards.

    "There once was a man named McNameter
    Who was blessed with both length and diameter
    But it wasn't his size
    that gave them surprise
    It was his rhythm iambic pentameter"

    (http://home.earthlink.net/~kristenaa/naughty/lims1i.html)

    A beer!
e

Re: Re: Never again - FUCK (15/03/15 06:13:29) Reply
    THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY.

    Must say to self. It is only the iambic pentameter.

    I've got a whole book full of limericks written whilst high on codeine.

    Lady Maybe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVgUCIXur4A

    Morphine:

    I'm fucked if I know:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjebegK9OUk

    Now you see me, now you don't!
bran

good news and bad news (30/01/15 01:01:10) Reply
    good news and bad news

    the good news is you will possibly be ok if you change what you put inside you right fucking now. this is rambling because I need more coffee as well as circumstances beyond our control.

    Stuff to put inside you:

    probiotics:

    https://www.google.com/search?q=probiotics

    http://probiotics.mercola.com/probiotics.html

    raw foods:

    raw unprocessed honey

    organic fruits and vegetables

    organic unpasturized grassfed milk and beef and chicken and pork

    curcumin/curry/garlic/spices

    alkaline blood ph:

    https://www.google.com/search?q=cancer+alkaline+blood+ph

    http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/why-alkaline-approach-can-successfully-treat-cancer

    Do what this amazing woman did: minding your mitochondria

    superfoods to cheat a bit on above mitochondria diet: http://www.roaringlionpublishing.com/BodyGlo-Superfood/productinfo/001+-+BG/

    Paleo Diet: https://www.google.com/search?q=paleo+diet

    ---

    Do not put inside you:

    no sugar/wheat/gluten

    https://www.google.com/search?q=cancer+sugar

    https://www.google.com/search?q=wheat+belly

    no alcohol

    https://www.google.com/search?q=cancer+alcohol

    notice in all the google links the "Official" sites claiming that eating well has no effect, do not look behind the curtain.

    the bad news, all of the stuff that is good for you like raw unprocessed milk is probably illegal in Britain, and possibly a hate crime against IG FARBEN, because no one can patent raw cows milk or organic garlic or fresh spinach or yummy bacon.

    you should get in touch with me via email or phone me directly.

    love

    ps

    PPS you picked the perfect day for "Never Again" next time check your calendar. Did you see the "BOSCH" logos on all the headphones in the Auschwitz video. sneaky bastards.
forseti

The good and the bad (01/02/15 18:12:17) Reply
    There is good enough reason to be sceptical of the food industry - specially the one in the US, which is extremist (permitting gene modified organisms, adding sugar to all sorts of foodstuffs and removing roughage and bacteria). But throwing out too much of the technology associated with foods may be erring on the other side. For example: heat treatment of foods rids it of pathogenic bacteria - so unpasteurized milk might be safe, but only if the cows or goats or sheep are guaranteed free of pathogens. Pregnant women should avoid it for fear of Listeria. Raw honey is likely to be contaminated with spore-forming bacteria such as pathogenic Clostridium species, so babies should not get it. Raw eggs are OK if the chichens are guaranteed free of Salmonella (like in Norway, where whole chicken farms are slaughtered off is Salmonella is discovered). But raw egg whites, if consumed in quantities, will deprive the eater of biotin, which is essential for normal metabolism.
    I will never be convinced that sugar from honey is any more healthy than the sugar in high fructose corn syrup. Sugar is tasty but hardly a healthy food regardless of origin. Fruit is good, but it is mainly sugar and water.

    Healthy foods may contribute to a long life just as unhealthy foods may shorten life. But life in the olden days with raw and natural foods were the only available foods was a good deal shorter that the average life span of today. It's control with infections: Hygiene, vaccines and antibiotics. Hygiene will be increasingly important (again) if we lose the antibiotics because of unwise use.

    The alternativists are market people just as the food industry. They too should be read with scepticism.
e

Re: Never again (08/02/15 15:06:44) Reply
    Yours seems to be the modern variety. The Romans had their own.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catullus_16
e

Re: Never again. Ok one more time for fun (15/03/15 05:38:08) Reply
    Other end this time.

    Doc was retiring in a few weeks. Lucky me.

    All that experience. Guy was a master. Deft of touch. A true surgeon. He just surged, on! What can I say? It was nice to see a master at work.

    I gagged, I dribbled. I begged them to stop, but all was nill and null. I had a big fucking tube down my throat. What could go wrong?

    What did they find? Nothing but a big bad red belly. I didn't drink for like six months but the pain got worse. Yup, six months without booze. Easy really.

    So, there you go. Big baby I am. Got to say, as much as I slag this country I live in, some of it is good.

    Thanks for caring.

    :-)
bran

Re: Never again. Ok one more time for fun (15/03/15 05:38:30) Reply
    Other end this time.

    Doc was retiring in a few weeks. Lucky me.

    All that experience. Guy was a master. Deft of touch. A true surgeon. He just surged, on! What can I say? It was nice to see a master at work.

    I gagged, I dribbled. I begged them to stop, but all was nill and null. I had a big fucking tube down my throat. What could go wrong?

    What did they find? Nothing but a big bad red belly. I didn't drink for like six months but the pain got worse. Yup, six months without booze. Easy really.

    So, there you go. Big baby I am. Got to say, as much as I slag this country I live in, some of it is good.

    Thanks for caring.

    :-)
bran

ok that was one time too much (15/03/15 05:39:35) Reply
    yes, I'm a twat.

    thanks.
bran


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